Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Things going on around here

I've alluded to it before, but I decided it's time to let my blogging friends know why I haven't been writing as much on here. It's a big deal to me to be sharing this with all of you , and even as I write this I have a have knot in my stomach.

If you have been reading this blog for a while you know that this has been a bit of rough year. I expected the biggest worry of being a stay at home/online selling mom to be money. But honestly, dealing with everything else this year has made money take a back burner.

Back in February I was diagnosed with depression. There were a lot of contributing factors, but after working with my therapist for several months she suggested that I look into my husband possibly having a Traumatic Brain Injury. He did hit his head and lost consciousness for less than an hour in a car accident when he was just 17 years old.
I spent several months researching Traumatic Brain Injury. I was skeptical and didn't know much about it, and then the day came when I came across this article on the internet and it changed our lives forever.

I spent several months talking to my husband about my suspicions and about the information I was reading about TBI. I also joined a wonderful facebook group for TBI survivors and caregivers. I've currently read about 27 books and various articles on TBI. It took several months but he did decide to look into it. One day he looked at me and said, "I can't remember what you told me about it, but I do remember that I agreed with what you said, so I think I should go see the Dr."

We started with a neuro psychologist for testing- it is difficult to diagnose a TBI right after the event which lead to it, let alone 23 years after the fact, but there are several things going on which do seem to point to a TBI.
so far we have begun treatment for vestibular dysfunction
and short term memory loss,
had an MRI, 
restarted treatment for sleep apnea (which can be a side effect of TBI) my hubby was diagnosed with sleep apnea after we first got married and had his tonsils and adnoids removed  and deviated septum fixed, which was supposed to fix the sleep apnea, but in reality didn't help at all. 
tested for hearing loss, meineiers disease (vertigo) 

at this point we are tying to rule out causes for his symptoms one at a time, but the one thing they all have in common is a TBI. 

My role in our marriage has changed a lot in these last few months. I understand more about why my hubby was acting the way he was and that it didn't really have anything to do with me, although it felt like it did (and sometimes still does.) I have needed to take over a lot more things in the household and in his medical care. I have become an advocate for him and I was the one to break the news to our families, because he asked me to. It was a very difficult discussion to have. 

In our short journey we have run into helpful Doctors and not so helpful Doctors. There are days I feel like his personal assistant more than I do his wife.  I have been frustrated and down and wondering how I am going to live with this the rest of my life, and how I going to help him accept that things aren't going to turn out exactly how we had planned. I have felt hopeless and selfish, and overwhelmed and tired, so very tired. 

But I have also discovered that God is always there, even in the darkest times.  That I believe without a doubt in the vows that I took when I said, "in sickness and in health, 'til death do us part." I have discovered just how deeply I love my husband and how proud I am of him for surviving this long, for dealing with things the best way he knew how. He continues to do everything asked of him by his doctors, therapists, and me, to try to improve his quality of life. Right now the vestibular treatments leave him nauseated and dizzy, and with a terrible headache by the end of the day. But, he still goes 2 times a week, very early in the morning before work, and does his excercises each day at home. I feel sad, too, for the years he has struggled with this and not known what was wrong with him. 

TBI has taken away many things from us, but it has given us many things as well. We have become more of a team, closer as a family and more appreciative of what we do have. There are so many people with TBI's who are no longer alive, who cannot function independently, who are addicted to alcohol, or drugs to deal with the pain. We have learned to slow down more and enjoy things at home, where it's quieter and give my hubby's overworked brain a break. We have learned that we are committed to staying together, no matter what. 

Facts about TBI:
each year in the US there are more than 1.7 million head injuries 
There are 5.3 million Americas living with TBI (that have been diagnosed)
Males have a higher rate of TBI, although the rates for women (and children) are growing largely in part to Domestic Violence and sports at younger ages
You don't have to lose consciousness to have a TBI
TBI's are hard to diagnose because the symptoms are different for each person, depending on what part of the brain was injured. 

memory loss
hearing loss/ sensitivity to sounds 
sensitivity to light
unable to taste milder flavors
inability to multi-task
easily frustrated/irritable
cries easily for no apparent reason (a commercial, or something that isn't really sad.)
makes impulsive decisions, including job, finance, relationships etc 
difficulty keeping friends especially those from before the trauma
sleep disturbances including night waking, light sleeping, sleep apnea, 
anxiety/depression 
has trouble stay focused.getting motivated
lacks empathy for others
poor concentration




http://www.msktc.org/tbi/factsheets/Emotional-Problems-After-Traumatic-Brain-Injury
http://www.traumaticbraininjury.com/symptoms-of-tbi/mild-tbi-symptoms/

11 comments:

  1. Bless your hearts! What a trial. God is good. He will see you through. Those aren't just nice words - they are a testimony. I lost my husband to cancer five years ago. Keep leaning into Him.

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  2. I am so sorry to hear this! I will keep you both in my prayers!

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  3. I read your blog regularly but have never commented. Thank you so much for sharing this. God is good and my prayers are with you. Jen

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    1. Thank you so much, we greatly appreciate your prayers and thank you for reading my blog!

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  4. 10-21-98... WOW! 17yr survivor here of TBI (car accident). Lots of trials and tribulations ~ but OH.SO.WORTH.IT!! Wonderful Hubby of 14yrs (had dated for 10yrs prior to accident!). Though his 'Filters' may be off at times ~ Hang in there - I'm cheering for you and your Family!!!!!

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    1. Thank you, it's good to know other people who have been thru this!

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  5. Thank you for sharing your story. Don't forget to take care of yourself, in addition to taking care of your husband. I have been a regular reader of your blog and officially jumped into part time ebay selling earlier this year. Your blog and many others that I have read inspired me to start my own blog about my ebay journey. I am also a licensed counselor. I had been thinking about how I could include that part of my life on my ebay blog. This post gave me confirmation that I should do it! Not sure when or how, but I will get it done. You can find me at collegefundthriter.blogspot.com.

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    1. Thank you so much. I checked out your blog and added it to my blogroll. It's great to hear about other people doing what I'm doing. I am trying to remember to take care of myself, but I'll admit, especially right now with qtr 4 in full swing, it's hard. But my family has been great about supporting me and helping me when they can.

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  6. Wow, a lot of tough issues to deal with. Your story is one that I am sure a lot of people will get help from :) Hugs.

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  7. Wow..I guess I missed this post. So sorry to hear about what you're family is going through. But so glad that at least you have an idea of what's going on and can now focus on improving your lives. You're a strong woman Melissa. I admire you!

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