When I was a kindergarten teacher I would send my kids out to every recess with this, "Play nice, play safe, play fair."
I have to be honest when I tell you that I felt like saying this to some adults a few weeks ago.
I was checking my facebook groups one Sunday afternoon, when I came across a picture that looked really familiar. After I clicked the link to make sure that it was in fact my Amazon listing, I scrolled down the over 50+ comments following my picture, and I felt this cold rush of fear and embarrassment wash over me.
The group is one that I joined after taking a class I paid for. It is an extension of the class and was created to allow other people who had taken the class to exchange ideas in a safe and helpful environment. I tried to stay calm and posted a comment about the fact that I was the one who had the listing, thinking that would make the commenters put a face to the listing and stop the bashing. To my dismay the mean comments kept coming about how I should be able to accept constructive criticism- to which I replied I was happy to, when I asked for it. The moderator was awesome and deleted the post minutes after I messaged her about it.
But I'll be honest, it was a really hard day for me. I've alluded to it before and those of you who have been following my blog know the backstory to what has been going on in my life for the last two years. If you read my 37th birthday post you know that I have been recently diagnosed with situational depression. It has been a hard two years, starting with the problems I had while pregnant with my little girl, which made it impossible for me to walk the last 6 months of my pregnancy without a walker.
Then there was the birth of my daughter and my complications afterwards that left me within 5 minutes or less of dying, and needing 4 pints of blood and a year to recover from. Then two weeks later the call from my job, that said I had to change to teaching 3rd grade. Then my heartbreaking decision to resign from that job and look for a new job. During that time my 3 month old baby girl also got very sick and started losing weight, f or 3 months we didn't know what was wrong with her, or how to get her to stop losing weight. Then my new job at a Title 1 school that wasn't at all what I expected. Then other family matters all that ended up with me sitting in my doctor's office crying uncontrollably in February of this year. It's been a hard few years, and looking at the picture of that listing I created during the time that my little girl was so sick, it just really felt like the whole world came crashing down around me. The pictures that they were so freely bashing, were the best that I could do in the few minutes I had between feedings, and weigh checks and doctor's appointments.
I'm sorry for rambling on so much, but the point of my post is this. When you are out in the land of online sellers and customers, please understand that there is a person behind that crazy listing, horrible picture or annoying question. A person with feelings, who may be going through a difficult time. If someone asks for your help, then offer it, otherwise, please-
play nice, play safe, play fair
I need to remind myself to speak with good intentions. I have been bullied into removing my own Facebook comments. I have unsubscribed from politically-based groups because of what I call acid-mouth remarks and ugly hearts. While I want to be up-to-date on what is happening politically, invariably the comments get out of hand. People call each other names and berate them severely. That is not what I want to see or become a part of. I can't even get an unbiased bit of news so I know what is happening in the world. News has become commentaries. We aren't given the facts, and we aren't given time to make up our own minds about the topics. Most of us don't listen, and most of us aren't heard. By the time I hear about controversial subjects, they are gone now. It concerns me that I am not up on current events, but another part of me says that someone else can think about it. I am doing what I can to be happy, but I am not able to maintain it. There is bleed-through, and I am affected by it.
ReplyDeleteAs I read what is on my groups on Facebook, I am slowly deleting what doesn't bring me joy. Soon, I will be watching only kitten videos, and that will turn my brains to mush. The same goes with blogs. I have been looking at each and every one critically to determine if it is in my best interest to continue reading them. If they aggravate me in any way, I usually delete them. If they bring me joy, they stay. Sometimes, my interests just shift, so I let some go and find others. I threaten to get off the computer, but I don't know how I will fill my time. Due to my depression, not much interests me. I used to craft with paper, read, quilt, and make art. It has all fallen away, and I occupy my time by looking at pretty pictures and reading short articles. (And, I spend way to much time watching TV.) I comment to let someone know that I am paying attention at times. Sometimes, I type something that is less than nice. I erase it and either unsubscribe from the blog or let it pass, knowing that my mood is what is creating my own disturbance. Not being happy at times doesn't help when communicating with others, but I try. I try hard.
I am sorry that you had to endure the criticizing of others. Could it be possible that they thought you put the photo up and by that act, you asked for a critique? I have to second guess myself at times. Also, some people don't know the difference between criticism and a critique. Ignorance doesn't get a pass, though. Bullying is unacceptable, and I am glad that someone was there to help you get the entry removed.
Frustration runs deep when I am misunderstood, and it seems no amount of explaining will turn people's hearts. It seems to fuel them.
We were talking about a friend today, and we asked ourselves who has told her that she isn't important enough? My friend said that it takes a thousand "atta boys" to cancel out that one bad thing that someone said to her long ago.
I need to remember to be kind. It shouldn't be such a chore. It didn't used to be a chore when we were face-to-face. Now, anonymity gives us diarrhea mouth and hatefulness. I need to remember to be kind.
Hello and thank you for your thoughtful comment. I would agree that if I had posted the picture of my listing to the group that I should be open to people commenting on it, however, in this situation, I hadn't posted the picture. Some one was looking thru listings on Amazon and decided to post my picture and link to my listing without my knowledge or consent, and then proceed to rip it apart in a facebook group, from the photo, to the contents, to the comment of " and I bet this seller wonders why they aren't getting any sales." I was so thankful to the moderators who quickly shut it down. But I will be honest, I have stopped posting in all of facebook groups, I don't need the extra stress! I guess my post is really about just thinking about what you are doing before you do it. Many of the comments posted about my listing also assumed that I had posted it asking for comments on it. But it caught me completely by surprise on my facebook wall and immediately took me back to the during when my daughter was so sick and I was so scared. And it brought some of the sadness back that I had been trying so hard to keep at bay for months.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much again for your comment, I think you offer good advice that when you see something you'd like to comment on, sometimes it's better to say nothing at all. Research has shown that men can eventually forget and move past an unkind comment or remark made to them, but women don't even forget! I try to apply another kindergarten teacher learning to my life, you should give every student 6 positive comments to every 1 negative comment.
I would just like to encourage you to be kind to yourself. People who haven't been diagnosed with deep depression don't understand how hard it can be to do the simplest things or how proud you can be of accomplishing that same small thing. I think you're doing a incredible job keeping all the balls in the air given all that's on your plate. Forget what those who chose not empathize have to say. I for one am amazed at how well you seem to be doing just a couple years out. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteBTW...love the blog!